


Jokes for the Screamer

by Stellartwix



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Animated (2007)
Genre: Gen, Jokes, Starscream’s an ass, but you love him anyways, just some sillies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29939541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stellartwix/pseuds/Stellartwix
Summary: There’s nothing like sharing a tender moment with a mech who’s anything but.
Relationships: Starscream/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Jokes for the Screamer

A metallic whine pierces the air as the harrier jet soared aloft in the evening sky, wings and nozzle poised. There is no reluctance and there is no humility, only shameless pride in its sleekest form. In the cockpit, you smiled, peering through the eyes of your mask at the glow of the sunset.

As an ordinary person  _ (and not a trained soldier who pilots massive alien robots)_, it took some time to adapt to Starscream while he was in his alt mode. Dammit. It’s  _ still _ taking you time to get accustomed to him in general. Smarmy fuck.

However, you did enjoy the thrill that grips your heart whenever he takes you high above the clouds.

During a particularly-dramatic turn, you emitted a soft murmur of glee. The jet rumbled slightly with a chuckle. It was a nice sound, lacking its usual malevolence.

“Amazed?” His voice crept into your ears, inhabiting your mask. “Of course you are. I  _ am _ the swiftest Decepticon there is. Always consider it an honor that I allow you, a  _ repulsive _ organic, free rides.”

Then he displayed more of his arrogance by performing a spin followed by a rapid dive, surpassing more Gs than you were comfortable with. Weight crushed your lungs, forcing you to struggle for an adequate breath while you sank back into the seat. Blood fled from your eyes. Your hands went numb, your intestines hovering. It was surprising that you didn’t lose consciousness. Or vomit. Or both.

Starscream tended to forget how delicate you were. Well, that, and he really didn’t care unless you got his chassis dirty with your stomach contents. In his optics, you were a tool and nothing more.

_ Or so it would appear. _

Once you recovered from the brief agony, you grinned, deciding to mess with him. “You seem a lot happier around me now. Guess you’re starting to like me a bit, huh?”

Starscream’s content demeanor fell.

“You foolish little worm,” his sharp tone made you flinch, “I despise you. If your tiny, pathetic body wasn’t useful to me by slipping into places that I can’t reach, then I would gladly squish you under my pede.”

Despite his words, you snickered. “Uh-huh, yeah. Sure.” Feeling bold, you rubbed his throttle with your palm. Although you couldn’t see his red optics, you certainly felt the intensity of his glare on your form.

Maybe you were a bit too careless, for the straps holding you to the seat then tightened, pulling you back, squeezing you.

“Don’t push your luck, human,” Starscream seethed, “Get cocky again or else I’ll be forced to punish you for your impudence.”

You winced, a chill slithering up your neck. This  _ was _ the jerk who used your dependence on oxygen against you by lifting you to dangerous heights. Sure, he only did it once in spite of saying he would do it again just for fun, but it’s better to be safe than sorry with a giant freaking robot.

So you chose to heed his warning. But your mischievous spirit wasn’t through with him just yet. You simply had to dial it down.

“Yes, Lord Starscream.” You sighed. “I’m sorry.”

The Decepticon loosened the straps around you, pleased by your answer. “Now that’s better.”

You sensed the smirk in his voice. And you wanted to turn it something more, something surprising.

“Hm, now that I think about it,  _ ‘Lord Starscream’ _ is a lot more riveting to say than ‘Lord Megatron’. It rolls of the tongue easier, y’know?”

This wasn’t entirely a lie, of course. And much to your delight, the cockpit seemed to grow warmer than it already was.

“Oh, most definitely,” he said, practically purring his words, causing you to shiver excitedly.

“Megatron! I mean, what a stupid name! It’s so easy to make fun of, too! Dope-a-tron, Twit-a-tron,  _ I-Really-Need-To-Blast-Myself-In-The-Aft-A-Tron... _ ”

The aircraft shook before ceasing abruptly. A smug grin swept across your face, knowing that it wasn’t turbulence. Now more determined than ever, you puffed out your chest, lowered your voice, and began to mock the leader of all Decepticons.

“ _I’m Megatron and I make femmes cry just by showing my big, ugly face to them!_ ”

Again, the jet rumbled, much more intensely than before. You laughed when you heard a muffled squeak and proceeded to jest.

“ _I’m Megatron and and I have a cannon stuck up my waste regulator._ ”

“ _Nooooo, curse you, Autobots! Curse you, Starscream! This won’t be the last you hear of the great_ _Meg-a-wrong!_ ”

Several ridiculous imitations later, silence followed. Before you could open your mouth to say anything, the jet descended and the walls of the cockpit began to shift. You shrieked, your mask and straps ripping themselves from your form. The hatch opened and your stomach lurched. You were briefly airborne in the orange sky before a clawed servo wrapped around your torso. When Starscream’s pedes made harsh contact with the earthy ground, he broke out into a fit of uncontrollable cackles.

When you collected yourself, you joined him in his merriment, laughing to the point of tears. You gazed up at the Cybertronian; his optics were closed shut and his helm was thrown back in hysterics. Never before have you seen him or heard him so happy, aside from taking pleasure in the suffering of others, perhaps.

But this was different from twisted amusement; this was _genuine_ joy. At least in front of you. 

He didn’t even realize that he was holding you close to his heated, shuddering chassis, and that you were hugging one of his silver claws.

You had to admit, he was cute this way. And you liked it.  A _lot_ more than you thought possible.

Eventually, Starscream lifted you near his faceplate. Your breathy chuckles faded and you blinked, lost in the sight in front you. He was  _ smiling_. At  _ you_. The white pupils of his crimson optics flickered faintly against the light of the setting sun.

“That was...funny, human.”

With your cheeks tinted pink, you smiled back. Upon seeing this, he fidgeted, a scowl crossing his mechanical features.

“But don’t even  _ think _ that this makes you anywhere near my equal.” He retracted the claw your were embracing from your arms, glowering. “You are still just an inferior, little organic.”

You scoffed and shrugged. It was only a matter of time until he reverted to his nasty self.

Oh, well. It sure was nice while it lasted.

With a huff, Starscream set you on his shoulder. “Anyways, as you know, my base is just ahead, so hang on tight but not  _too_ tight.  _ Eww._”

You dug your hands and legs into his plating, grinning softly to yourself. As he began to walk forwards with heavy, robotic thumps, a question manifested itself in your fuzzy,  bastard-smitten head.

Has the sunset always looked this pretty?


End file.
